Shared Love
by Roadway
Summary: Despite his twenty-two years, Roxas knew nothing about relationships and even less about falling in love. He had always assumed that falling in love was instant like in the movies and there was one true love for everyone. At least until the day he met Sora and discovered that falling in love is not as simple as it seems. AU Sora/Roxas/Riku
1. Chapter 1

an: I know, I know it took forever but here is the beginning of the Sora/Roxas/Riku story I promised. Enjoy

Warnings: Language, Sexual themes, male/male relationships, female/female relationships

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><p>Roxas was well-liked. At first sight people tended to assume he was a punk with an attitude but he worked hard and was generally polite so he was well-liked in a shallow-sort of way. He had a hard time making friends but he cherished the ones he had. He didn't think he was perfect by any means but he tried to be better. He couldn't help the little spark of jealousy when Hayner, his best friend, got a girlfriend. He couldn't decide if he was jealous because Hayner got someone before him or if it was because he didn't want someone else hanging with his best friend. Maybe a bit of both. Either way, it was a pathetic way to feel and he hated himself for it. He hoped he was hiding it well when Hayner introduced his girlfriend to the group.<p>

The petite blonde girl stood shyly next to her boyfriend as she was being introduced, "Namine, these are my friends: Roxas, Pence and Olette."

"Hello." She said in her little voice. Roxas had to admit she was adorable and very sweet and very hard to hate.

Apparently she was an artist and met Hayner when she found him tagging the side a dumpster. Hayner was a better person around her. His sentences held much less profanity and he spoke about becoming a legit artist instead of just worrying about kicking Seifer's butt in the next skateboard competition. Roxas could only smile and be happy for them. Even when Hayner started hanging out with Namine more and the rest of them less. Even when Hayner started talking about artistic integrity and other things they couldn't understand. They were still friends but they rarely hung out without Namine and a group of her friends joining along. Roxas didn't much like new people. He was polite enough but uncomfortable and was even more uneasy since he no longer had Hayner at his side to defend him.

Then he met Sora.

Sora was a friend of a sister of Hayner's girlfriend or something- Roxas wasn't paying all that much attention. All he knew was the brunet joined them on one of their outings to the arcade one day.

Sora was everything Roxas wanted to be. He was bright and sunny and people were drawn to him. He was so good-hearted he couldn't offend someone even if he tried. Best of all, he was the one thing Roxas knew he would never be brave enough to be: he was out of the closet.

And nobody cared. They talked to him like he was a normal person. He'd talk with the girls about cute boys and talk with the guys about video games. He talked to everyone all the time and they all loved him.

Roxas was in awe… but there was no way he could talk to Sora. Sora was like a creature of another world, always surrounded by people, laughing and glowing. Roxas spent that time at the arcade after first meeting Sora wondering if he should approach the brunet. He couldn't just walk up and start a conversation. What would he say? Thinking about it just made him more nervous. In the end, he spent the evening playing Pacman by himself wishing he wasn't such a wimp. He spent the night chiding himself as an idiot and wallowing in regret before finally falling asleep.

It was another few weeks before Sora's group and Roxas' rejoined for another get together. This time, they were hanging out at Namine's house for a movie marathon. Some trilogy Roxas didn't care about. There were eight of them and only about five could fit on the couch so the other three sat on the floor and were provided with sympathy pillows which did little to make them more comfortable. Roxas, of course, was one of the three on the floor. As well as Pence and Sora's friend Riku.

Riku tried to start a popcorn fight with Sora but the boy was too entranced in the movie to notice. Riku grumbled for a bit but eventually settled down and watched the movie. After awhile, he started quoting the lines quietly under his breath.

Roxas chuckled, "I take it you've seen this movie before?" He whispered so as to not disturb the others.

Riku grinned, "Once or twice."

"I'm surprised anyone would watch it more than once, it's kinda stupid. I don't see what the big deal is." Roxas mentally slapped himself after saying that. What a stupid thing to say!

"It's incredibly stupid," Riku agreed, "But it's Sora's favorite series. He's made us all watch it at least once and now it's become like this cult classic for us."

"So, this is like your induction ceremony or whatever?"

Riku nodded quickly adopting the idea, "Yeah, I like that. You're not truly our friend until you can recite the whole movie by memory." He shot Roxas a smirk, "So, better start paying attention."

"Will there be a quiz?" Roxas returned.

"It's like two hundred questions and at least an A is required to hang out with us."

"Quite the elite group."

"You bet."

Roxas' attention started to filter back to the TV screen while a particularly dramatic scene played out.

By the second movie, Roxas found himself kind of getting into it. They were still really stupid movies but he felt like he was sharing in a tradition of a close-knit group of friends he had somehow stumbled into. Anyway, Riku's occasional remarks kept him entertained:

"You have to be able to spell his name….backwards." Riku announced after a Russian character with a five syllable first name was introduced. Roxas doubted he could pronounce the name much less spell it forwards or backwards.

"Memorize that map. I'll expect you to draw it for the test." Riku added later.

"Hear that track in the background? There's no way you'll pass the test if you can't hum the whole thing."

At that last one Roxas chocked in laughter while taking a sip and nearly snorted his soda from his nose. Riku found this hysterical but they were quickly shushed by everyone else.

They departed for the night after the third movie was finally over and Roxas went home with a smile on his face.

They started hanging out more frequently after that. Every time Riku saw him he would spout out some trivia question about the movie and Roxas would give a ridiculously wrong answer partially because he couldn't correctly answer most of the questions and partially because he liked making Riku laugh. Riku had a rich satisfying chuckle.

It wasn't until the fourth time they all got together than Roxas and Sora finally got to talk.

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><p>Review please and let me know what you think! I really want to know what you think about the length of the chapters. I personally don't like chapters to be too long so I'm trying to find that nice spot where enough happens in a chapter for it to be satisfyinginteresting. Advice would be great! Critiques are wonderful!


	2. Chapter 2

Ch.2

"Roxas!"

Roxas took a moment to find who called his name but it wasn't too hard since the person was currently waving his arms and jumping up and down to get his attention. Roxas took a moment to get over the surprise that Sora even knew his name. Out of everyone, the two of them talked the least. In fact, they had barely any interaction at all. But there he was calling his name and waving his arms and grinning that famous grin of his as if they were old pals reuniting for the first time in years.

"Over here!" He called. Roxas made his way over to the theatre seats Sora had saved for them.

"Hey," Roxas said as he reached his friends, "How're y-"

Riku interrupted him before he could sit, "What's the name of the bad guy's pet?"

Without missing a beat, Roxas named the henchman character instead of the cat. He was rewarded with Riku's laugh and offered a place to sit. They were in the auditorium of the local community college waiting to see a ballet Kairi was in. Roxas took the seat offered without a second thought then suddenly realized with a hint of nervousness that this put him next to Sora. He had never really had a conversation with Sora… for some reason the brunet made him nervous.

Riku leaned across him to speak to Sora, "Where's Namine?"

"Backstage with Kairi. Calming her nerves."

Riku nodded, "I'm gonna go find them, I'll be right back."

Roxas watched Riku leave with apprehension hoping Hayner, Olette, Pence, or someone would show up and get him out of this awkward situation.

"Don't worry, it's not as bad as it sounds."

Roxas turned to Sora wondering if the brunet was a mind reader, "What?"

"The ballet. I know it sounds lame and we really do only come to support Kairi but it's not that bad and Kairi's actually really good."

"Oh…" Roxas had no idea what to say. It was like his brain stopped the second Sora started talking.

"Do you go to school here?"

"Um…no." Roxas cleared his throat awkwardly, fidgeted in his chair then tried to fix his mistake, "Well, yeah, but I take all my courses online. I've rarely been on campus…." He bumbled realizing he should say something to try and move the conversation along, "Do….you?"

"Nah," Sora answered smoothly as if Roxas wasn't making a complete ass of himself. "I tried once but college wasn't really my thing."

"Oh," Roxas tried again, "Do you work?" He was having a terrible time trying to meet Sora's eyes. Finally, he looked up and locked onto Sora's impossibly blue eyes.

"Yeah, at a café."

Roxas suddenly had a vivid image of Sora in an apron beaming from behind the counter of a warm, coffee-scented room chatting it up with the costumers. He wasn't able to maintain the eye contact, he looked away, "Where?"

"It's called Hot and Steamy."

Roxas snorted in laughter, "Sounds like a strip club."

Sora pouted, "That's what everyone says." A image slowly crept into Roxas' mind of Sora in an apron… and nothing else… He shook it away quickly and cleared his throat. Luckily Pence arrived to distract him and a few seconds later everyone was back in their seats and the house lights were being lowered in preparation for the show.

The ballet was slow and peaceful. It wasn't lame and Kairi was quite good like Sora had promised but Roxas felt himself drifting off into daydreams anyway.

When the show was over, they agreed to meet with Kairi and grab a bite at a nearby diner. Roxas was relieved he could regain his normal distance from Sora but at the same time he felt a little disappointed in himself like he had missed an opportunity to bond with the brunet boy.

They decided to leave their cars and walk to the diner since it was a nice day with light-jacket weather. As they were walking, chatting about the dance, Riku pulled Roxas aside. He encouraged Roxas to slow his pace so they would lag behind and could talk privately.

Roxas was surprised by Riku's immediate tone of voice, "What's the deal Roxas? You don't like Sora?"

Roxas blinked at him, "What?"

"Do you have a problem with Sora?"

"No!"

Riku clearly didn't believe him, "Look, if you can't handle gay people, we don't want you hanging out with us."

Roxas flushed pink at the direct way Riku said it, "I…it's not…"

Riku narrowed his eyes, "We don't tolerate homophobia."

"I…" Roxas didn't know how to defend himself. He rubbed the back of his neck anxiously. He felt like he wanted to cry suddenly. "I'm not." He whined.

"Oh," A smirk was creeping onto Riku's face and a teasing tone made it into his voice, "You like him don't you?"

Roxas' cheeks were warm enough to make him sweat despite the cool air. He opened his mouth before deciding he didn't have an answer. Riku didn't seem like he needed one anyway. He was looking at Roxas as if he could read the blonde like a open book.

Riku almost seemed giddy by the time they reached the diner. Roxas' heart was still racing but at least his blush had died down.

Riku had pushed Roxas into the booth so he was squished between Riku and Sora. He wasn't liking this situation at all. His arm was touching Sora's and he was near hyperventilation. They ordered a massive skillet for the whole table to eat off of. Roxas listened to Pence's conversation so he could ignore the close proximity of Sora.

"You were definitely the most beautiful ballerina there." Pence was saying to Kairi who crinkled her nose is modesty.

"Me? No way."

Roxas rolled his eyes and decided he had to stop listening. Pence had always been a big flirt. Roxas tried to focus his attention elsewhere but Hayner was fully involved in Namine and Olette was trying to get Pence's attention.

Riku bumped Roxas so he slid a little closer to Sora and said loudly, "So, Rox, you got a b-"

Roxas pinched his thigh hard making Riku yelp. This attracted the attention of everyone at the table, "Bathroom." Roxas said to Riku giving him a glare.

Riku obliged and slid out of the booth to let Roxas out. He splashed his face in the bathroom to calm down hoping Riku got his point. If he returned to the table and Riku was loudly chatting about his sexuality, he may just curl up in a ball and die.

He was relieved to find Riku had scooted in next to Sora. He gave Roxas an apologetic look as the blonde took his seat.

They didn't talk about it again that day.

The next day however, Roxas was surprised by a phone call.

"How did you get my number?"

"Olette." Riku replied easily, "I just wanted to say sorry. I didn't know."

"It's okay…"

"No, really, I know how big of a deal that is, I didn't mean to push you."

"It's okay. You didn't know." Roxas found it easy to forgive Riku if for no other reason than he was somewhat pleased to have a confidant.

"So…do you really like Sora?"

When Riku suggested it the other day, it was the first time Roxas had thought about it in those terms. He couldn't stop thinking of it. Roxas stuttered a little but it was nice to finally admit it aloud, "Y-yeah. I kinda really do. I think." Even though he was alone in his apartment with no one to hear him but the person who already knew, it was still weird to admit it. Saying it out loud made him realize just how true it was.

"Cool." Riku seemed pleased despite Roxas' vague wording.

Roxas was grateful for having a friend he could be honest with but it suddenly stuck him as odd that Riku cared so much about his friend's love life. "Why do you care so much?"

"Sora doesn't get interested parties that much… well in fact, he's never had one."

"You're kidding."

"No."

"But everyone loves him!"

Riku laughed, "This is true. I dunno. I guess, people see him as like a little brother. No one's really viewed him romantically."

"He's never had a boyfriend?" Those words felt heavy and unnatural on his tongue. Roxas was suddenly struck by how hard it was to say phrases like that despite how long he had known about his sexuality.

"Never."

Roxas's heart leapt to his throat and he couldn't reply.

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><p>Not sure if I like this chapter that much- it's a lot of dialogue xP<p>

Review please and let me know what you think! Lots of cute Roxas/Sora to come in the next chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

This is the adorable chapter of adorableness: enjoy!

ch.3

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><p>Roxas worked a few odd jobs around town. One of them included advertising for a fitness center. Since he was in the area, and it was technically part of his job, Roxas stopped by Hot and Steamy. He wanted Sora to be there but he was also terrified that Sora would be there. He stepped inside with his skateboard tucked under one arm and a pile of flyers in the other.<p>

Sora was the first person he saw. It was like his whole being's sole purpose was to pick him out of crowd. There were three people visible behind the counter and a spattering of guests but Roxas's eyes rested on Sora and didn't move. Sora spotted him as well.

"Hey! Roxas!"

Again, Roxas was shocked not only that Sora knew his name but that he could casually say it as if they were best buds while sporting that smile as if he was genuinely happy to see him.

"Hey," He couldn't bring himself to say the boy's name aloud. He didn't trust that he wouldn't just collapse of embarrassment if he tried. Roxas tried to think of something clever to say, "So this is the infamous strip club? Huh?" He instantly felt like that was a really stupid thing to say but he was rewarded with Sora's laughter anyway.

He was in a white half-apron like Roxas had imagined. "So, what're you here for?"

"Oh, um, I wanted to put one of these posters in your window. Is that okay?"

"Yeah!" Sora replied cheerily after giving the flyer a once-over.

"Don't you have to ask your manager?" Roxas didn't want to get Sora in trouble but he felt really lame asking this.

"It's cool. I am the manager."

"Oh."

"So can I get you anything?"

Roxas was embarrassed to order from his friend but he didn't want this conversation to end and he knew there were other customers waiting for Sora's attention. "A… French roast please."

Sora nodded and went to put in his order. Roxas took a seat at the bar and realized he hadn't mentioned if he wanted it to go. He really hoped Sora wouldn't bring him a Styrofoam to-go cup. He wouldn't be able to stand the awkwardness of sitting there drinking it so he'd be forced to leave and end any potential bonding time. However, he was working so Sora probably assumed he wanted something to go. Roxas grumbled and placed his forehead on the table miserably. Why were the smallest, stupidest things making him feel like he wanted to cry?

"You okay?" Sora's voice came to him over a clink of a mug being placed on the bar. Roxas looked up to see Sora pouring fresh brewed coffee into a white mug. Sora suddenly seemed nervous, "Oh, you're working. Do you have to leave? I should have gotten a to-go cup. Sorr-"

"No, it's okay. I'm on break." Roxas was feeling a little giddy. Did Sora want him to stay?

"Cool." Sora replied before going to greet another customer.

They had conversations whenever Sora didn't need to be somewhere else. The bubbly brunet boy was incredibly good a multi-taking. He could serve all his tables, greet customers, and still come back to remember what he had been talking about with Roxas.

Roxas had to admit, he was impressed. He could see why Sora had gotten promoted.

"What kind of classes do you take at TCC?" TCC was how everyone referred to Traverse Community College. If you knew someone in college around the age of twenty, you could make a safe bet they were attending TCC. It was the most accessible and affordable higher education (if you could even refer to it as that) around. Because of this it was pretty looked down upon in the academic world but for most people it was the only option.

"Nothing special. Just the regular stuff."

"What do you want to do?" Sora asked glancing around the shop to make sure no one else needed his help, "Like…with your life?"

"I.." Roxas started but Sora held up his hand to signal that he'd be back. He went off to do his job giving Roxas some time to think of answer but when Sora returned Roxas still had nothing to say, "I dunno." He answered honestly.

"So you're not some kind of fitness buff?"

Roxas stared at Sora confused by his comment until Sora nodded towards the pile of flyers he was supposed to be delivering. "Um, no. I just do flyers."

"Ah…you look like the kind of person who would be into fitness." Sora mumbled glancing around the café.

Roxas cleared his throat and took a sip of his coffee. Did Sora just imply that Roxas had a nice body? Was Sora hitting on him!? He didn't go the gym but he did keep pretty active with his multitude of jobs, his skateboard, and the occasional sport with his friends.

"Um," Roxas changed the topic, "Do you know what you want to do with your life?"

Sora shrugged, "A lot of things. I want to travel. I want to help people. I want to.. I dunno. I'm not much of a planner. Not like Riku. He's got his whole life figured out." They chatted easily for the next hour.

Roxas was jittery and only partially from the two cups of coffee he consumed while spending his afternoon at the café talking to Sora. As he left, he completely forgot to stick a flyer in the window. He was a little irked with himself at first until he realized this gave him an excuse to come back. The caffeine and the promise of spending time with Sora gave Roxas the extra energy boost needed to finish the rest of his job in half the time. He was buzzing on a Sora-high and he didn't want to come down.

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><p>It was a nice cool day, probably the last one before the winter set in. Riku and Roxas were sitting under and tree on the outskirts of the park.<p>

"Sora talks about you a lot." Riku admitted causing Roxas to blush furiously.

"He talks about you too." He retorted.

Riku just shrugged.

"I…I can't like date him or anything." Roxas admitted pulling yellowed blades of grass up and ripping them apart.

"What? Why?"

Roxas shot Riku a look, "I can't exactly date a guy without outing myself."

Riku groaned and bumped his head back against the tree in frustration. "So out yourself!" He flung his hands up as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Riku…"

"Come on! I think Sora really likes you."

"It's not that easy."

Riku was quiet for a moment. Roxas looked up at him for the first time since this line of conversation had started. Riku was sullen, "You think I don't know that? I was the one who stayed by Sora's side when he was trying to figure everything out. He would just break down out of nowhere and cry for hours. He couldn't handle that he was hiding something from his friends and family. I was there when his friends rejected him and the school turned on him and his parents didn't know what to do with him. It was awful. But look at him now." Riku's eyes met Roxas' pleadingly. He just wanted happiness for his friend. "I'd be there for you too."

Roxas was overwhelmingly pleased with this offer especially with the soft but decisive way Riku said it. His heart pounded as Riku's eyes bore into him asking for a response. Roxas thought about it for a moment. He thought about how Sora was happy and easy-going and totally at ease with himself. He thought it would be perfectly nice to be like that but Sora was a lot of things Roxas could never be.

Sora was confident. "I could never be like that." Roxas returned to his task of destroying the grass.

"Fine. Keep telling yourself that." Riku resigned bitterly.

"He doesn't really like me like that anyway." Roxas mumbled. Riku snorted.

They sat there in awkward tense silence for awhile. Roxas firmly devoted to his task of creating a bald spot in the grass.

Riku's voice rang out softly, "When you do decide to. I'll be there for you."

Roxas' breath stalled, "You promise?" He asked his voice coming out a whisper.

Roxas wasn't sure Riku had heard him which was probably for the best because it was completely embarrassing for him to admit he'd like Riku's support very much. However, Riku's hand made its' way into his messy blonde locks and ruffled them and a gentle voice replied, "I promise."

No one had ruffled his hair since Ventus… Roxas stopped that line of thought. The feeling was comforting, he felt his eyes slip closed and he leaned into the warm broad hand with a sigh of contentment.

It was only when he felt the rumble of Riku's laughter rather than heard it that he realized how close he was sitting to the boy. He must have leaned in more than he thought because his head was resting on Riku's chest.

"You're like a puppy." Riku teased as Roxas moved away embarrassed.

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><p>Going to Hot and Steamy had become routine for Roxas. He'd learned Sora's schedule and would drop by nearly everyday. Sora always gave him the sweetest smile and poured him a cup before he even sat down.<p>

"Kairi's having a party this weekend. You'll be there?" Sora asked as Roxas mixed sugar and cream into his coffee.

"Yeah, I'll be there." He vaguely remembered Hayner mentioning this.

"Cool." Sora gave him a grin before returning to his job. Roxas watched him while sipping his coffee and trying not to be obvious. Sora had this way about him that made people smile when they were around him. It was like his super-power and it seemed to double its effect on Roxas who was hiding a smile behind his coffee cup.

Roxas waited around until Sora's lunch break and they walked to McDonalds together.

"Hayner and Namine make a really good couple don't you think?" Sora was saying.

"Yeah, they do." Roxas agreed, "You know he's going to art school now? Namine convinced him he could turn his graffiti skill into artwork." Roxas was a little proud of himself, he felt like he was getting better at this whole 'having conversations' thing.

"It's really cool how some people just stick together and affect each other's lives so much after awhile it's hard to imagine them apart. Like Namine's become much more talkative. She used to hide it from us when she had an art exhibit but now she invites us along. It's nice."

"It's like they make each other better."

"Yeah." Their conversation paused as they ordered their lunches and found a table.

"So, how long have you worked at H-Hot-" Roxas stammered then covered his face in embarrassment. Maybe he wasn't as good as conversing as he thought. "Man, I really hate saying the name of that place."

Sora laughed, "So does everyone else. Most people call it Hiss. I guess 'cause the initials are HS."

Sora was the only person in the world who could laugh in a situation like that without making you feel ridiculed. Roxas tried again, "So how long have you been working at Hiss?"

"Um… Since senior year of high school. Sooooo.." Sora did the math in his head, "Like four years?"

"Do you like coffee?"

Sora shrugged with his mouth full of hamburger. Roxas figured Sora wasn't the type to need all the extra caffeine in his system.

"Not as much as you do." He answered after swallowing.

Roxas had the impulse to admit he only started his coffee habit to hang out with Sora but he realized how stalker-ish and stupid it sounded so he said nothing at all.

"Riku's a big coffee drinker." Sora said. Roxas noticed that their conversations drifted to the older boy fairly often.

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><p>Review and let me know what you think! Which pairing are you in support of?<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

I originally had this and the last chapter split a little differently so if this chap seems rushed that's why.

Extra warning: This one and the next chap include alcohol use.

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><p>The party at Kairi's was a little overwhelming. There were quite a few people there Roxas didn't know. He was a few hours late because of work and the party was in full gear by the time he arrived. Kairi and Namine lived here with their parents but it appeared they had made themselves scarce for this event letting their daughters host. The blonde wandered through the crowds of people occasionally stopping to say hi to someone he recognized. Roxas caught sight of Sora chatting with a group of strangers. He tried not to let the flash of jealousy get to him. There was no way he was willing to approach Sora with all those strangers around so he continued on.<p>

He found Riku sipping from a plastic red cup alone on the couch and wandered over to him.

"Heeeeeey Roxas!" Riku said brightening up, "It's my buddy Roxas."

He was drunk. Roxas said as much aloud.

"It's a party you're supposed to get drunk." He told his drink. Roxas took it out of his hands; something in Riku's face bothered him.

"You okay man?"

"Why wouldn't I be okay?" Riku asked still not looking at Roxas and instead focusing on where his drink had once been. His voice was somewhat bitter and significantly more sober than it sounded before. Perhaps he'd been pretending to be drunker than he was. Roxas watched him with a worried look but wasn't sure what to do. Riku looked up finally and glared at him, "You're late. Why did you get here so late?"

Roxas offered his hands and pulled Riku up with him, "Come on, let's get some fresh air."

They left the noise of the party to the quietness of the street and started walking in silence. Riku was clearly lost in thought.

Roxas liked this time of night when the air was cool and the streetlights lit your path but it wasn't so late that everyone was in bed. Roxas looked at the houses as they passed wondering what was going on inside. Most of them still had lights on. Some of them were probably having a family dinner. Maybe others were having a party like Kairi. Either way there was life inside those houses and out on the street there was Roxas and Riku and the occasional car that crawled past with a whisper.

When Riku finally spoke in a surprisingly sober voice, Roxas wasn't ready to hear what he said.

"Sora kissed me."

Roxas' heart pounded in his chest while a variety of emotions coursed through his body.

"It wasn't by choice!" Riku amended quickly, "We were playing spin the bottle."

Roxas settled down slightly but the pounding of his heart still thumped loudly against his chest.

"It wasn't even that big of a deal. All I could think was that you should have been there. It should have been you." Riku covered his face with his hands.

Why was this distressing Riku so much? That's what made Roxas uneasy the most.

"I'm sorry. It really didn't mean anything…"

Roxas suddenly stopped walking there was something in the way Riku had said that…. Riku stopped too, a few paces ahead and turned to look at the blonde guiltily.

The look on his face was the only confirmation Roxas needed. "You like Sora." Roxas realized. Anger coursed through his blood and burned his throat.

Riku just looked away. Roxas couldn't believe this! Who did Riku think he was acting like there was no one in the world for Sora except Roxas? He should have known all that talk was bullshit.

Of course, Sora would like Riku back. Riku is the one whose been by the brunet's side through thick and thin. Roxas was starting to feel sick. He turned and walked away from the person who betrayed him, the person he thought was his friend.

"Wait!" Riku called, "I still meant everything I said. I think he likes you. I think you should be together."

Roxas stopped but didn't turn around, "Why do insist on feeding me these lies?"

"I'm no good for Sora." Riku admitted, "We're friends. Just friends. That's all we can ever be."

"Why?" Roxas asked turning back to face the pleading boy. Riku didn't have an answer. He was clearly upset but Roxas wasn't ready to forgive him.

The blonde shook his head and turned away from Riku to head home. He shouldn't have come tonight. He really hated parties.

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><p>Roxas was starting to wonder what he did with his life before he met Riku and Sora. Now that he was avoiding them, he suddenly had lots of free time. He picked up some extra shifts remembering his goal of purchasing a car before he graduated college. His savings account suddenly looked very far from his goal.<p>

His online classes were boring but they gave him something to do. Still, he found he used most of free time laying in bed staring at nothing while he wondered what he was going to do with the rest of his life. Well, it started that way at least. In reality, he'd spend ten minutes agonizing about his lack of plans for the future before his mind drifted to a certain blue-eyed brunet.

Sora had the most beautiful blue eyes. Roxas wondered if he'd ever see them again but he couldn't bring himself to go to Hiss or any of his friend's get-togethers if there was a chance he'd be there. He missed Sora's smile and wondered if Sora had even noticed he hadn't been around. Was Sora missing his company as well? Roxas doubted it. It was more likely he had hooked up with Riku by now and was happily spending his days making out with the traitor.

They would make a good couple. Riku fit Sora much better than Roxas ever could. Besides, the more he thought about it, the more realized how much Riku loved Sora. When Roxas was acting uncomfortable around Sora, Riku had been the one to call him out. He'd threatened to kick him out of their group if he couldn't accept Sora. Riku cared so much for Sora, he was willing to give Sora away to someone he thought was a better match. Roxas didn't love Sora that much. Roxas hardly knew Sora.

Still, his heart pounded when he thought of those impossibly blue eyes crinkling in the corners with his smile.

The memory of a big hand running through his hair and promising to protect him kept returning unbidden into his mind.

He was almost two weeks into successfully avoiding the two boys he hoped would just fall in love with each other and get it over with, when there was a knock on his door.

His studio apartment was tiny and it only took a few steps to reach the door. He cracked it open, ready to slam it shut if it was someone he didn't want to see.

Luckily, it was Hayner.

"Dude! What the heck? We haven't seen you in forever! Some of us were starting to think you'd died." Hayner paced the small living area while Roxas threw himself back on his bed.

"I'm alive." Roxas answered as if he wasn't quite sure this was true.

Hayner switched to a more serious tone and sat on the bed next to Roxas' face down figure.

"What's going on man? You okay?"

Roxas just harrumphed into the sheets.

"Sora's been like, freaking out about you…." Roxas felt disgusted by the way his heart picked up pace. He hated that he was still hopeful over Sora. Hayner paused and added with a mumble, "I didn't know you guys were close."

It suddenly hit Roxas like a ton of bricks that Hayner didn't know about his sexuality. Of course he knew this, but he had gotten so used to talking to Riku freely about it that it seemed odd to deny it now. His best friend was by his side and yet a wave of loneliness washed over Roxas. He sat up in bed while Hayner continued talking.

"Did something happen between you and Riku? Riku stopped hanging out with us too…" With each word, Hayner felt more and more like a stranger.

"I'm fine." Roxas answered finally, "I've been working on some stuff. Sorry I worried you." He wouldn't look at his friend.

"Yeah man…" Hayner said like he didn't believe a word, "Just come hang out sometime okay? If it's something Riku did, he doesn't hang out with us anymore"

So perhaps Sora and Riku hadn't hooked up. "Okay."

It was lie and he knew it. He just suddenly really wanted to get rid of Hayner. Yet, when he closed the door after his friend's retreating back, he only felt worse and he wished he hadn't chased him away. Hayner didn't seem to have a problem with Sora's sexuality, maybe he'd fine with Roxas too. It was different though. Roxas dreaded he would look back on all the times they had hung out as if they were tainted by this new bit of information. There was no way he could tell Hayner. Hayner wouldn't understand. Just like he lost his brother, he'd lose Hayner. Roxas remembered the look on Ventus' face when he came out of the closest. It was a look that broke Roxas' heart. A look he never wanted to see again. Especially from his best friend. With that, his resolve strengthened. He'd never date Sora because dating Sora would mean admitting his sexuality and that was something he refused to do. It was better this way. No Riku to talk him into doing stupid things. No Sora to melt his heart with a smile and make him wish for more than a friendship. No Riku to make it seem like his feelings for other boys were normal. No Sora to convince him coming out would all be worth it.

He'd lost his brother, the person he looked up to most in the world. He wasn't going to lose anyone else.

A few more days passed before his next visitor. It was Olette this time.

"Roxas, stop this nonsense."

Roxas wondered why he had let her in. Maybe the loneliness was getting to him.

"If something happened you know you can talk to us about anything." She sighed and sat on the end of Roxas' all-purpose coffee table. She looked seriously into Roxas' eyes and said, "Look, we'd still be friends if you were gay."

Roxas' blood froze, "W-what?" Riku didn't out him did he? He wouldn't do that! …Right? Roxas wasn't so sure anymore.

Olette twiddled her thumbs nervously but seemed somewhat encouraged by the fact that Roxas didn't immediately deny it, "Well, I kind of got the feeling you were secretly dating Riku…"

Roxas couldn't breathe. "I-"

"It's okay!" She said immediately, "I think you guys make a cute couple actually…"

Roxas was wondering what it felt like to have a panic attack, "What makes you think-"

"S-Sorry if I'm wrong…" She paused realizing Roxas had yet to deny it, "Well, you guys just got along really well and you smiled around him a lot. You had only just met but you had all these inside jokes. You always paired up together every time we went out… and, I dunno. You guys walked really close together and laughed a lot and spent time together just the two of you…you've never really liked any girl so far as I know…and well… there was something in the way you looked at him. It seemed like you were in love."

"With Riku?" Roxas asked his head buzzing.

Olette nodded, "And then you two left Kairi's party together and after that you stopped hanging out with us….Riku kept asking how you were then he stopped hanging out with us."

Olette gasped realizing something, "You didn't get mad because he kissed Sora at the party did you? Please tell me you didn't break up because of that."

Olette was getting way too close to the truth. Part of Roxas wanted to spill everything to her, the other part wanted to push her away.

She kept talking, "It wasn't his fault. It was my idea! Kairi and I made him play. It was just a game!" She flushed red, "Well, we were trying to make it seem it that way anyway…." She trailed off.

Roxas still didn't know what to say.

"Roxas, please. Isn't it better to be able to talk about it?'

With those words he spilled everything and Olette just hugged him while he cried. When he was done telling her everything-he had to admit he felt better. He thanked her and she simply said, "Just return the favor sometime."

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><p>Well, there you are. Reviews are always appreciated.<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry about the slow updates lately. I've been busy with life but don't worry I won't leave this story unfinished.

A note to my reviewers: thank all of you so much for the support. Sorry if I don't reply. I'm painfully shy and socially awkward and I never know when it's appropriate to reply to a comment but don't take my silence as lack of gratitude because I'm very grateful to my readers.

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><p>Roxas finally started hanging out with his friends again. They took another trip to the arcade and Roxas decided to join them hoping it was true that Riku wasn't around and also hoping Sora wouldn't be there.<p>

Half of his wish came true at least. Olette was at his side when they entered the arcade together. His eyes instantly landed on a head of spiky brunet hair. He held his breath. Apparently, he was still really good at picking Sora out from a crowd. He wondered if he should leave but before he made up his mind, Sora spotted him.

"Roxas!" He was suddenly wrapped up in a warm hug. "I was starting to think you were dead!" He wanted to push Sora away but he also wanted this hug to last forever. He was overwhelmed by the feeling and smell of Sora. They'd never been this close before. The hug seemed to last forever but all too soon it was over and Roxas found himself staring daftly into blue eyes. His heart was beating and his skin was tingling; he had missed this feeling but also dreaded it.

Roxas realized Sora was expecting a response, "Uh, sorry. I'm okay. Just got caught up with work and stuff."

Sora harrumphed in a way Roxas found unbearably adorable. "Phone." He demanded holding out his hand. Roxas obliged and reached into his pocket to pull out his cell phone.

Sora took it and typed in his number, "Next time at least text me once in awhile so I don't think your dead."

Roxas' heart was pounding uncontrollably as he took his phone back. "O-okay…"

With Olette on his side and Sora being affectionate towards him, Roxas' resolve to stay away was quickly crumbling.

Hayner interrupted which was probably for the best since Roxas was considering fleeing, "Bro! You grace us with your presence?"

"Shut up Hayner." Hayner opened his arms for a hug mockingly and Roxas shoved him away.

Hayner laughed, "To celebrate: we must drink!" He announced throwing his arms in the air. Roxas had the distinct feeling he had already started drinking awhile ago. There was a bar in the arcade where you could grab snacks and drinks. Roxas looked around for someone to distract his noisy friend when instead he noticed there was someone missing.

"Where's Namine?" He asked. Olette and Sora cringed in a way that told him he shouldn't have asked but there was no taking the words back now.

"She left me!" Hayner cried woefully.

Olette sighed, "She didn't leave you. She went on a trip to visit the studio of one of her favorite artists for her class." She reminded Hayner and explained to me.

Hayner pouted in a way he only ever did drunk and whined, "I'm still lonely."

Roxas shook his head somewhat astonished at Hayner's attitude. His girlfriend went on a little trip and he starts drinking his troubles his away like it's the end of the world? What happened to the best friend Roxas grew up with?

Kairi entered a moment later and Pence returned from one of the games he was intently playing with a handful of tickets.

Hayner slapped Roxas' cheeks probably much harder than he meant to, "Shots. Now."

Roxas rolled his eyes, "Yeah fine." Hayner gave a whoop at that answer and lead the way to the bar.

It had been awhile since Roxas had alcohol. He could recall more than a few drunken evenings with friends after high school graduation but pretty much nothing since then. Generally, he didn't see the point but in this instance it didn't seem like a bad idea to attempt to dull the guilt he felt for chasing Riku away, the annoyance he felt dealing with drunk Hayner, and the butterflies that fluttered up in his chest whenever Sora spoke to him…or looked at him…or was just in his general vicinity. He sighed having forgotten how bad he had it for Sora. Alcohol may just make this whole evening bearable.

The first shot burned his throat and made his eyes water. Hayner slammed his empty shot glass on the bar then everyone ordered a mixed drink to take to a table.

"So, what've you been up all this time Rox?" Pence asked once we were seated at booth.

Roxas shrugged, "Picking up shifts at work, enrolling in classes for next semester, and catching up on coursework." It wasn't a lie, he just left out the vast amount of time he spent agonizing over his feelings for Sora, "Anything new with you guys?"

"My girlfriend left me." Hayner mumbled into his drink. Almost everyone at the table rolled their eyes.

"You're freaking me out Hayner. Stop it." Roxas told him nonchalantly.

Hayner glared at his friend, "You'll understand what I'm going through when you fall in love then you'll regret being a jerk."

Roxas cleared his throat awkwardly wondering how his friend would feel about him falling in love with a guy. He had to admit what he said made sense though, "Sorry."

He took a sip of his drink cringing at the bitter taste. Pence chugged the rest of his drink. "Well, I'm bored. I'm gonna go play some more games. We are in an arcade you know." He said pointedly at Hayner who probably hadn't left the bar the whole time he'd been there, "Ladies?"

Kairi and Olette followed him into the arcade portion of the building. Leaving the other three baffled that Pence had an entourage. They weren't talking at the table but one would hardly call it 'silence' as the noises of the games around them were almost too much to talk over anyway.

Hayner swirled his drink which was already half gone, "So, since the girls are gone, my girlfriend is out of town and you guys are single, how about we check out some chicks?"

"Um." Roxas had no idea how to answer this.

"I like boys." Sora said easily. Roxas couldn't believe he could just say it like that.

"Oh…yeah." Hayner trailed off. He stared at his drink for awhile before deciding, "Well, we'll find you a guy then! I'm making sure you two hook up tonight!"

Roxas blushed at his choice of phrasing, "Hayner I really don't want-"

"I don't care what you want!" He interrupted, "You need it! Come on man! Pence is getting more action than you. When was the last time you got laid? Oh, that's right, never."

"I really hate you." Roxas mumbled into my arms he had decided to hide his face behind. He was really starting to regret coming out tonight. When he looked up Hayner was gone which should have been a relief but Roxas had a feeling he was up to something.

Roxas sighed really not wanting to deal with Hayner's shenanigans today.

Sora's voice rang out over the sound of video game music reminding Roxas that he was there. The blonde wasn't sure he wanted to face him after what Hayner had just revealed about him. Apparently he didn't care about that though.

"Did you and Riku fight?"

Roxas looked over at him a little surprised. "Um. I don't know."

"What happened?" He asked.

"Why do you think something happened?" Roxas really didn't want to talk about Riku especially to Sora.

"He won't talk to me about it. He hasn't been hanging out much."

Roxas felt a little guilty. "We just got in a little argument."

"About what?" He prodded.

"You wouldn't understand." He was being more curt than he meant to be. His face was warm with intoxication and as he reached to take another sip of his drink, he realized it was empty. He called for a refill.

Sora pouted, "Why not? Riku's my best friend you know?"

"If you're so close why don't you ask him?"

"I tried. He won't tell me anything."

"Some best friend." Roxas mumbled loud enough for him to hear.

"You shouldn't talk about him that way. I thought he was your friend too." Roxas had never heard Sora get angry before. He started getting pissed off at himself for being a jerk to the innocent brunet but instead of stopping and apologizing to the brunet the anger he felt towards himself directed at Sora.

"So did I!" He was yelling, "But he's just a liar who thinks he can manipulate people!"

Sora had his mouth set in a firm frown, apparently Riku was a soft topic for him. This just made Roxas more angry. The fact that Sora immediately took Riku's side reminded him that Sora was probably in love with the silveret. It only made sense, they were close friends who were together through everything. Riku already admitted he likes Sora…

So what is Roxas doing here?

Hayner returned with a shot and a girl. Roxas slammed the shot and forgot what happened after that.

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><p>This and the next chapter are short but I felt like it messed up the pacing if I fused them into one. To make it up, I'll post the next one right now.<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

Roxas woke up with a hangover in an unfamiliar place. A few memories from last night floated around in his head but there were more missing pieces than anything else.

He remembered kissing…someone.

A girl... The girl Hayner was trying to hook him up with, he reasoned.

He also remembered crying. A lot. And being held in warm comforting arms.

After laying still for while unwilling to risk moving and setting off the headache he knew would be coming, Roxas finally surveyed his surroundings. He was on the floor with a few pillows. He still didn't know where he was but everyone else from last night (except the mystery girl and Sora) were here also laying on the floor. Kairi was awake, sitting up and sipping on a glass of water leaning back against the couch. She looked like a mess but no more than anyone else.

Before he could say anything a glass of water presented itself to his face.

"Here," Riku's low voice seemed to be the only thing that didn't hurt Roxas' head. He took the glass and painkillers which were offered without a word. Roxas downed the pills and sipped on his water while the others started shuffling awake. He watched with curiosity as Riku tended to each of them like a mother hen. As they started to feel better, they slowly moved towards the dining room for breakfast.

Hayner elbowed Roxas as they sat, "Hot night am I right?"

Roxas groaned, "I don't know. I don't remember much."

"Oh, come on! After I went through all that trouble hooking you up!"

Roxas ignored him finally getting a better look at his surroundings. It was an apartment but a significantly nicer one than his tiny studio. It was a spacious two bedroom.

"Who's place is this?"

"Mine." Riku's voice reintroduced itself into the conversation as he set food out on the table, "And Sora's."

A sharp pain stabbed Roxas' stomach, "Right." He mumbled angrily. Of course they lived together. God, why couldn't they see they were the perfect couple?

Riku set Roxas' plate down in front of him loudly making his head pulse with pain. "You don't have the right to be angry after last night." He said in the most menacing voice Roxas had heard.

Roxas stared at the toast in front of him instead of meeting the aquamarine eyes he knew were staring him down. He wasn't entirely sure what Riku was referring to but had a feeling it had to do with the girl Hayner had apparently set him up with. He remembered green eyes and soft pink lips before a wave of nausea brought his focus back to the present. He moodily stabbed his breakfast while everyone ate in near silence nursing their aches.

Within a half an hour, everyone got ready to return home. They piled into Riku's car and he made his way back to the arcade where everyone had left their automobiles. Roxas didn't have a car but figured he could bum a ride off someone. The thought of a bus ride sounded like torture.

Riku had other plans apparently. Before Roxas could get out of the car after arriving at the arcade he took a hold of his sleeve, "I'll give you a ride home."

He said it in a forceful way Roxas knew he couldn't refuse. Friends bid groggy farewells as they exited Riku's minivan and found their cars.

Roxas swallowed nervously as Riku drove off towards his place. It was silent for awhile and very, very, very uncomfortable. He watched the scenery go by the window as he pondered over how odd it was that Riku drove a minivan of all things. He really seemed like more of a sports car type. Then again, he had been patient and… for lack of a better word- 'motherly' towards all his drunk and hung-over friends. Perhaps Riku was just like Roxas in that he was someone who looked tough but didn't act it.

"I wanted to talk to you," Riku admitted, "but I don't know what to say." He sighed, "I mean, what were you thinking? Making out with some chick? I thought you liked guys….." He paused before mumbling this last bit, "I thought you liked Sora."

"I do-" Roxas protested defending himself even though he didn't feel like he deserved to be defended.

"Then why-"

"You're the one whose supposed to be with him!" Roxas interrupted his interruption with a shout, "It's so fucking obvious!"

Riku pulled into the parking lot outside of the complex and rested his forehead against the steering wheel, "You don't understand…" Aquamarine eyes aimed sideways to look at the boy in the passenger seat. "Anyway. You had no right to hurt him. No matter what you think about who he belongs with." Riku accused.

Roxas didn't answer for awhile. When he did his voice came out timidly, "I…hurt him?"

"Of course, idiot. How many times do I have to tell you he likes you?"

Roxas wasn't ready to think about the full implications of that so he changed the topic. "Are you mad at me?"

Riku sighed, "I feel like I should be but…not really." He sighed again and looked at Roxas, "Not after you cried your eyes out worried about Sora."

Roxas felt his face heating up, "Did I?" He didn't remember much but he already knew the answer.

Riku nodded, "Clearly you like him a lot and you don't want to hurt him. I can't blame you for a drunken mistake. It was a mistake right?" He asked clearly hinting that there a right and a wrong way to respond.

"Yeah. Huge mistake." The blonde admitted. "Is….is he really upset with me?" Roxas was hesitant but somewhat hopeful. After all if Sora was upset that Roxas was kissing someone else then that might mean Riku is right and he really does have feelings for him.

"He went straight to his room and told me to let him know when you were gone."

Guilt welled up in Roxas' stomach again, "Do you think he'll forgive me?"

"Sora's the most forgiving guy in the world Roxas." Riku admitted.

"Are…are we still friends?" Roxas really didn't want to lose Riku. Who else could he talk to? Olette? Yeah right, she'd just tell him everything was okay and leave it at that. Riku was real with him. He wasn't afraid to tell Roxas off or let him know he fucked up.

"Yeah, yeah, sure. What would you do without me?" Riku ruffled choppy blonde hair the shadow of smile tilting his lips.

Roxas nodded and let himself out of the car.

"Hey," Riku stopped him. Roxas turned to look at him and was surprised to find a hint of worry in teal eyes, "Don't beat yourself up." Roxas was halfway though a nod when Riku continued, his eyes hard and serious now, "But if you hurt Sora again, I'll kill you."

Roxas believed him. He nodded and closed the car door. As he watched the car go and felt the cool winter wind wrap around his skin, a memory nagged at the back of his mind.

He remembered kissing a girl he didn't even know, being pulled away by an incredibly pissed off Riku who had been called in by Sora to lug all their drunk asses home, he remembered screaming but couldn't recall what was said and then breaking down.

He remembered a warm embrace and worried teal eyes staring down at him as he cried. He swallowed thickly.


	7. Chapter 7

So yeah I messed up my pacing a bit but I think I got it back on track after this chapter which seems rushed.

Ch 7:

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><p>Roxas hung up the phone with a bitter feeling settling in his stomach. He hadn't realized how close it was to Thanksgiving. If his mother hadn't just reminded him, he probably would have just bypassed it without a thought.<p>

He sighed. He didn't want to return home. He didn't want to pretend everything was okay when Ventus cancelled his plans to return home until Roxas was conveniently out of the way. The two of them hadn't had a decent conversation in years….so many years. His parents must know that something is wrong but neither of them will talk about it. They started scheduling their 'retuning home for the holidays' trips so they would never be there at the same time. Roxas had barely caught a glimpse of his brother in a long time. It was probably for the best that way. That way he didn't have to see the look of disgust again…

He'd agreed to visit his parents on Thanksgiving evening and spend the night in his old bedroom. He guessed once they told Ventus about this the older boy would spend Thanksgiving morning or the next evening with them instead coming up with some excuse for his absence.

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><p>Roxas hesitated at the entrance of Hiss for a good few minutes before deciding to enter. He wasn't sure how Sora would react to seeing him but hopefully he could at least apologize for being a jerk yesterday.<p>

Roxas felt lucky that Sora didn't spot him immediately when he walked in, it gave him some time to settle down, but when Sora continued to not notice him for another five minutes, Roxas started to wonder if he was doing it on purpose. Was he really so mad he would just ignore Roxas' presence?

He was considering just forgetting it and leaving when Sora finally spoke up.

"Oh, Roxas. Didn't see you there." Sora said finally coming over with a mug and pot of coffee which made Roxas suspect he was lying. He brushed it off though, there were more important things and Sora had every right to be mad at him.

"Sora, I'm really really sorry about last night. I was being a jerk to you. I said some mean things then I just abandoned you. I feel really bad."

Sora rocked back on his heels as he mumbled "That's okay…" He wasn't facing Roxas so it was hard for him to make out the words, "I wasn't mad…about that." He was looking around the café fiddling with the coffee pot and hoping some other customer needed him.

Roxas wondered what exactly he meant by that emphasis but Sora continued before he could ask.

"You and Riku made up right?"

Again, Roxas found himself a little annoyed that their conversations always came back to the older boy. "Yeah…how did you know?"

Sora shrugged, "Riku was in a better mood this morning. He was really upset when you two were fighting."

This bit of information surprised Roxas but he tried not to let it show, "We weren't 'fighting' it was just a….disagreement."

"Well, whatever, it's cool."

Roxas had a hard time believing him. He didn't really like Sora's nonchalant attitude and there was something else bothering him he couldn't quite put his finger on. Sora's attention shifted and he moved to help another customer.

Roxas panicked. Before he knew what he was doing, he found himself leaning over the counter grasping Sora's sleeve. Wide blue eyes turned to him and Roxas realized what had been bothering him: that was the first time Sora had met his eyes since he entered the café.

Roxas searched those blue orbs while words unconsciously spilled from his mouth, "I was in a bad place last night and I made a really bad mistake. Please don't judge me by it. I really regret it."

Sora's dark but bright blue eyes remained on Roxas' icy ones for what felt like an eternity. Finally, Sora smiled- a real smile and squeezed his hand before dropping it. Roxas let the breath he didn't realize he had been holding when he saw Sora smile. No words needed to be exchanged for him to know he was forgiven. Sora reached over him and picked up the white mug he had knocked over when he lunged over the counter. Roxas looked at it in surprise, he hadn't realized he had knocked it over- everything had happened so quickly. Roxas was relieved to find it wasn't broken but then noticed his jacket sleeve soaking up the quickly cooling coffee on the bar. He lifted it with a grimace watching it drip onto the counter where a pool of black coffee had already formed.

Sora snickered as he used a rag to clean up Roxas' mess. With a prickle on the back of his neck, Roxas realized all the eyes in the café were on him. He face suddenly felt hot with embarrassment.

"Refill?" Sora asked politely.

"No, I should go." He rubbed the back of his neck, "I've embarrassed myself enough for one day."

"Won't you be cold?" When Roxas answered with a quizzical look Sora held up his arm to indicate on himself where coffee had soaked through Roxas' jacket. It wasn't that cold outside. It never really got too cold on Destiny Islands. A chilling thirty degrees was the height of their winter.

Roxas shook his head. "I'll be fine."

"Okay." Sora smiled a little hesitantly this time, "See you tomorrow?"

Roxas' heart fluttered, "Yeah." He answered with a smile.

He finished his job that day humming a tune in a much better mood than he had been before he'd seen Sora but his sour mood soon returned when he got home and realized he should start packing a few things for the thanksgiving trip.

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><p>Roxas took a taxi to his parent's place since he still didn't have a car. He had been dreading this holiday for the past two weeks, ever since the phone call. It wasn't like he hated his parents or anything but he didn't feel comfortable around them either. When he talked to them he felt like he had to leave out big chunks of his life so they didn't start to suspect something. Plus, like most parents, they liked nagging him about getting a girlfriend.<p>

When Roxas arrived at his childhood home that strange feeling of nostalgia rested in his stomach. Overnight bag in hand, Roxas entered his old home without a knock. He knew the door would be unlocked.

"Roxas!" His mother's cheery voice rang out. She peeked out from the kitchen in a messy apron and oven mitts. "How are you dear? I'd hug you but I don't want to get you covered in smutz. Honey," She directed this towards her husband, "Go hug our son for me will you?"

Roxas laughed and shook his head at his mother's endless tirade of words.

"Ah, Roxas you're here." Roxas' dad made his way over.

"That's what I just said!" Mom pouted but quickly returned to the kitchen.

Roxas gave his dad a short hug, "I'll put my things away then I'll help mom in the kitchen."

Being back in his old bedroom was weird. It was just the way he left it except stripped of all his belongings. It was like walking into a stranger's room but feeling like you've been there all your life. Roxas set his bag down and sat on the bed for a moment. Being here made him feel so distant from the current events of his life. He remembered a time when he was in middle school.

Hayner was his only friend back then. Roxas sincerely thought that Hayner would be his only friend his whole life: the only friend he'd ever need. Roxas didn't like meeting new people. He was sure it would always be him and Hayner against the world.

They met Pence and Olette in high school when they did a school project together. Hayner made friends with them easily and so Roxas had no choice but to accept them. He was grateful for the friendship now, especially having a confidant in Olette.

And now his circle had expanded even more.

He hardly hung out with Hayner anymore… but maybe that was okay. Hayner had a girlfriend now and people move on. Roxas had a circle of friends he could rely on now; he didn't need Hayner to make him feel safe from the rest of the world anymore. Still, he would miss his best friend if he disappeared from his life forever.

As was expected, Roxas' mind landed on Sora. He wondered what his parents would think of the bubbly brunet. They would probably like him. Until they discover Roxas likes him…in that way.

He sighed then a smile slowly came to his face as he imagined Riku confronting his parents with his 'I don't deal with homophobes' attitude.

Finally, Roxas decided to join his family downstairs and help with dinner. His mom acted grateful for the help and made snide remarks about how useless her husband was but Roxas knew she wasn't being truthful. After ten minutes bustling around following his mother's instructions, she kicked him out of the kitchen and banned him from returning. Roxas knew the same thing had happened with his dad. Getting kicked out of the kitchen was practically a family tradition. Mom liked to nag them about how she got no help and they were useless but honestly, she liked cooking the whole meal herself and she really liked complaining about it.

Roxas settled into the living room with his dad who was playing a game a solitaire on the coffee table. He grinned at Roxas and gathered the deck to shuffle it up and deal Roxas a hand.

Roxas sat on the other side of the table and joined the game without a word.

"So, how has life been?"

"Good. Still saving up for a car." Roxas answered focused on the game. He looked at his dad, "I've enrolled in some classes at TCC next term. Like…real classes. On campus."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, I thought maybe meeting other people with goals would help me figure out what I want to do with my life."

Dad smiled teasingly, "You're starting to sound like an adult."

"Oh, shut up." Roxas rolled his eyes and returned to the game.

Two rounds later the door opened. Roxas' eyes shot up to meet his dad's, "We're not expecting anyone else are we?"

"Of course we are. Your brother." Dad answered at the same time Mom's voice rang out, "Oh, Ventus! Glad you could make it. Your father is in the living room."

Roxas noticed his mom had failed to mention he was in the living room as well. He suspected foul play. His heart was beating and his palms were sweating. He hadn't seen his brother in years…. He could hear the footsteps getting closer and before he knew it his brother- an older and taller copy of Roxas- appeared from around the corner.

"Dad, go ahead and deal me in." Ventus called before his eyes landed on his brother.

They stared at each other with identical blue eyes for a long while. Dad cleared his throat and shuffled up the cards Roxas had abandoned.

"H-hi." Ventus said taking a step backwards.

"Hey." Roxas replied back coldly.

"I thought you were coming tomorrow…"

"We've both been tricked it appears." Roxas' voice was harsh as it forced its way past the lump in his throat.

After another awkward silence, Ventus left the room presumably to put his things away and help mom in the kitchen. Roxas glared at his retreating back then directed the look towards his dad.

"It hasn't passed our notice that you two have been avoiding each other so we lied a little."

Roxas' glare became more intense.

"Oh, don't give me that look. All your mother and I want is to spend Thanksgiving with both our children. So whatever is going on between you and Ven- work it out."

Easy for you to say, Roxas thought to himself listening to his mother's and brother's voices from the kitchen with trepidation.

Dad kept shuffling the deck of cards. Very little changed about the house year to year. Roxas remembered sitting on the couch Dad was currently sitting in trying to get his brother to understand what he was going through. He just wanted someone to understand. He had been so close with his brother before that, he really thought if anyone would understand it would be him. After that, Roxas kept his secret hidden for six years. Only now was he starting to realize what it was like to be accepted and now he was forced to face his brother again. Tears prickled at his eyes as he remembered how Ven had reacted but he wouldn't let them fall. He wouldn't give Ventus the satisfaction of making him cry again. He couldn't let his brother hurt him anymore.

Ven returned to living room with two beers. He handed one to Dad silently.

"You didn't bring me one?" Roxas asked if for no other reason than to get Ven to acknowledge him.

"You…drink?" He looked to Dad as if for confirmation.

"It's not illegal is it?" Roxas replied snidely, annoyed Ven was avoiding looking at him.

"Um…" Ventus seemed to think about this as if he was doing that math in his head to figure out how old Roxas was now, "I guess…not?"

Roxas just sighed and held out his hand demanding the bottle. Ventus reluctantly handed him the beer intended for himself and returned to the kitchen to retrieve another one.

Roxas popped the cap off his bottle before catching the sight of his father's gaze.

"What?" Roxas asked.

"You don't even like beer."

Roxas took a swig and grimaced, "Yeah well, don't think I'll make through the night without a little alcohol in my system."

Dad just sighed with a sad shake of his head. Ven returned and sat at the other end of the table. Roxas took another big swig hiding his disgust this time.


	8. Chapter 8

Roxas ended up at Riku's apartment. He wasn't sure why he was there, he just knew he didn't want to be alone. After knocking on the door, he realized they probably weren't home- it was Thanksgiving after all. They were likely with family….

He was about to walk away when the door opened to reveal a happy Sora. "Happy T-…Roxas?"

There was lots of noise inside the apartment and Roxas suddenly felt like he was intruding. "S-sorry. I shouldn't have come…"

"Don't be silly!" Sora grabbed his hands before he could escape, "The more the merrier!"

Before he knew what was happening, Roxas was being pulled inside and introduced. He was poked and prodded and pet by an assortment of family members.

"This is my brother Terra, and my mom and dad and that's Riku's sister Aqua and his mom. Have you eaten yet?"

Roxas was being pulled through a crowd of people. Admittedly there weren't that many but it was still overwhelming for the blonde.

"Um…no."

"Good! We're about to start dinner! I'll set you a place!"

"Sora…you don't have to-"

"Roxas." Sora suddenly stopped as they reached the dinning area and turned to Roxas looking serious, "I'm really glad you're here."

Roxas stammered unable to reply to such an unexpected and sincere comment. Sora just grinned and skipped away to the kitchen leaving Roxas to fend for himself. He didn't want to go back into the living room full of people but he didn't want to seem rude especially after Sora had been so gracious.

Sora and Riku's families appeared to be really close. They were a merry bunch chatting and teasing and…just being the way a family is supposed to be. Roxas watched them as he thought about his evening. He wondered if Riku's family knew about his sexual preference. Riku never really acknowledged it much so it was hard to say. He was sure Sora's family knew about him. Everyone knew about Sora.

Tears stung his eyes but he refused to cry. Things had been going fine, other than the awkwardness of seeing his brother again, but….

"Hey Rox what-" Riku stopped as he saw the look on Roxas' face, "You okay?"

Roxas didn't reply and was only vaguely aware of Riku pulling him away.

Roxas was sitting on a bed. He guessed this was Riku's room and Riku had pulled him in here. Roxas didn't remember it happening- he was quite a bit out of it.

"Rox, what happened? What's wrong?" Riku took Roxas' face in his hands and looked into red-rimmed eyes.

"I…" Roxas wasn't sure where to start. He wanted to tell someone but he also didn't want to talk about it. Roxas shook his head, "Your family is having fun out there, you should join them. Don't let me spoil your night."

Riku just continued looking into Roxas' eyes until the blonde knew he wasn't going to give up.

He sighed and decided to start from the beginning "When I was fifteen, I came out to my brother. We were really close and I thought I could confide in him but he totally shut me out. He avoided me after that and after he moved out I didn't see him at all. My parents managed to get us in the same room for the first time in…god, in like three fucking years and… everything just fell apart."

Riku held Roxas to his shoulder while he cried.

"Do you have a girlfriend yet?" Mom asked just as they had sat down to dinner. Roxas hated this question so much he forgot Ven was there and answered.

"Something like that." He was thinking of Sora as he shuffled mashed potatoes around on his plate

Ven eyes turned to him in shock while his mother squealed in delight, "When are we going to meet her? What's she like?"

"So you're not…" Ven's question, though quieter, overpowered his mother's.

Roxas turned to him with a sharp glare. "What's it matter if I am or not?!"

Mom's excited chatter stopped immediately as her two sons looked at each other. Roxas was tired of feeling like he could never be accepted as he is. Though he had made the comment about a girlfriend to his mom, he refused to lie to Ventus just to feel accepted.

"I don't understand. What's going on?" Mom asked more subdued than before. The tension in the air was thick and both boys ignored their mother.

"Well? Do you have a girlfriend?" Ven asked a very different question dancing in his eyes.

Roxas glanced at his parents then back at Ven.

"Oh my god, they don't even have a clue." Ven said mostly to himself.

Roxas had had enough. "I will never have a girlfriend." He said to Ven then he turned and screamed it at his parents, "I. Will. Never. Have. A. Girlfriend!" He was standing now, his hands on the table glaring at each of his family members in turn- daring them to say something.

"Roxas, honey, what is going on?" His mother's voice tried to reach out. "Is something wrong?"

"Roxas, settle down now. Talk to us calmly." Dad offered.

"Is something wrong? Did we do something wrong?" Mom kept asking.

"Oh, for god's sake! He's gay!" Ven's voice rang out above the rest. Roxas screwed his eyes shut so he didn't have to see the reactions on his parent's faces.

Silence.

"R-Roxas?" Mom's voice tentatively spoke up as if walking on eggshells.

"Shut up!" Roxas backed away from the table stumbling, "I don't want to hear it!" Tears were streaming down his face. He wouldn't open his eyes. He covered his ears. He felt someone reach out to him and he took off running.

When his tears had finally stopped, Riku said in that voice Roxas always found so soothing, "I think you should come join us for dinner. If you don't want to, you're welcome to stay in here. If you want, I'll stay with you."

Roxas shook his head which still rested on Riku's shoulder. He didn't want Riku to miss out on Thanksgiving because of him and he didn't want Riku to spend his family time worrying about him. He remembered what Sora said about being glad he was here and answered Riku, "I'll join you guys."

Riku rubbed Roxas' back, "Okay, the bathroom is the next door over if you want to wash up. I'll meet you in the dining room."

Roxas took a moment to collect himself after Riku had gone looking around the room for the first time. It had light grey carpeting like most of the apartment and the walls were done in a dark grey with white stars. It was almost childish especially for someone like Riku but the baby blue of the furniture and blankets brought it all together. It was really nice and the more Roxas looked at it, the more he felt like it matched Riku perfectly. Finally, when he had calmed down, he joined the group for Thanksgiving dinner.

When Roxas joined the dinner table he was greeted with warm smiles and welcomes. The food was great and the company was fun, Roxas found himself smiling in no time at all and had an enjoyable rest of the evening.


End file.
